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Why some Black women only date White Men

Posted by James, 17 Jan

We always talk about Black women and how they can’t date White men. Well, there are those black women that only date White men. I remember a pal of mine telling me once that she will never get married to Black man. And even as kids, when playing make believe, she was always married to a White guy.

The reason for women like her who only date white men may be very similar to the reasons why most Black women only date Black men … attraction. Some also feel that Black men treat them better than any other man ever could, and they feel that they'd rather have what they know instead of experimenting with what they don’t know.

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Some Black women are just not physically attracted to Black men. And as much as parents usually like hooking us up with people of our own race, well it reaches a time when you have to be honest with yourself. Imagine my pal for example: As a child, her first crush was Adam Sandler, then as she got older, she fell in love with Mel Gibson. This doesn’t mean that Black men aren’t handsome – they are just not her type.

Some also feel that White men (not ALL but many) find black women to be remarkable in every sense of the word; hence Black women tend to gravitate towards those affections. Much as her husband treats her better than any man ever had, one lady admits that she has been with some White men that disgusted her with their behaviors. But she says that generally, older White men and very mature on a broader level than with Black men on many levels.

Some are just wildly turned on by the differences … skin color, hair, being raised in different cultures, music, foods … the list is endless. Its all about the desire for the mysterious and unknown. And for some, its just pure love because there are those that forget that we are ‘black’ and ‘white’ and just coincidentally happened to fall in love with a White guys.

One thing we all have to remember is that not every White man is a Black woman’s dream. It all depends on the individual … good and bad comes in all colors.

With that said, the generic phrase - ‘It should be about love and not color’ – is cute. But in this case, not entirely truthful. Its not only about love. Much as love gets cultivated eventually, there is physical attraction and a declaration to date only one race. Racist or preference?

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1842 responses to "Why some Black women only date White Men"

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  1.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 03 Sep 09

    I have had my preferences for men of other races spelled out and black men still sent flirts. Now, that signifies a bigger problem. He isn't READING my profile which shows his level of sincerity or he doesn't respect my choices, either way that's a problem for me. I just recently checked"all ethnicities on my profile because I couldn't leave that spot empty. Peace

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  2.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 03 Sep 09

    Well I joined an interracial site because I have little exposure to men of OTHER races. I don't have any problems getting dates with black men so why would I join a site to meet black men when I don't need help in that area. So for all who misunderstood...I don't exclude my own race of men. I just don't need a dating site to meet them.I'm interested in dating OUTSIDE my race as well as my own. Peace

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  3.   BeautyBeyondWords says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 09

    Love has no boundaries....It is definitely okay to color outside the lines! I am down from whatever... I don't care, if you are a little chinese man (lol). Treat me right... I will have a brothas breakfast made in the morning! I am trying to help my friends open up and see the vision... WE ARE ALL THE SAME- JUST NOT THE SAME COLOR!

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  4.   Azrazyel says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 09

    Good points Ich! Many white women have all as well. Makes me wonder why some have only one. Maybe they had bad experiences with their own?? I usually question some women's intentions when they do so..I mean some people like what they like, but some profiles (from all races) talking about how they were treated bad so on and so forth. So they basically shut off their own race because of a few bad apples. Really makes no sense. I usually tend to go to the ones who have an open mind for all races, hence that's the reason why I have 'all' as well. Love knows no boundaries right? Az

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  5.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 09

    I get flirts and views from black women all of the time. It's not out of the ordinary or peculiar to me. "All Ethnicites" means just that. Who cares if this is an interracial site. Many black women have Black/African descent and Black/Non-African descent in their lists. I'm happy whenever I see that, however I'm not particularly heartbroken when I don't. To me, it just shows how serious a person is when they say race doesn't or shouldn't matter. The motto of this site is, "Where it's okay to color outside the lines...". I believe the "..." means that it's not necessarily imparitive that we do so.

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  6.   ifyouaredown says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 09

    I'm a mixed man that enjoys all type of women! I have mostly dated white women because that has been my taste!I date all walks of life!! Or usally its women with the same actions,and ways! So I believe that no matter what color someone is attraction has got to be there! No matter if it is color! Men,just like women go for who they are around,even the picky ones!!

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  7.   85kguy says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 09

    That's what I'm talking about! Bigeyes got some swagger! Once the go black they don't go back. You go get em girl. Once I had a relationship with a white hispanic woman. We met in San Antonio. She really dug Grover Washington, Jr. After a week we got together over some Grover. Then we kept getting together. Her place did not work out though. She had kids. We both forgot about them. The started banging on the bedroom door. "Mommy! Mommy!" They were young. The girl especially thought her mom was being attacked. Her name was Otillia. The boy I bought his first pair of Nike and the girl a bicycle. We dated for 2 years.

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  8.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 09

    I forgot to mention my sexy Latino and oowhee!....my Native American, asian, middle-eastern men.LOL, my hormones again, sorry. Peace

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  9.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 09

    I'm definitely interested in Euro options. I personally think they are better options than white/ black american men or african men. I have always been intrigued by the thought of meeting some of them and developing relationships whether friendships or something more. I think I may harbor some prejudices against white american men and waver on them as an option. I've recently discovered these feelings through becoming more open about my interest in dating interracially,so maybe this IS THERAPEUTIC(lol). I did create a profile on this site hoping to meet some native European men but just seem to run into white men looking for sex and black men who seem to forget that this is an interracial site (hello,lol). I do realize that has nothing to do with color,(just men)lol. I think I'm going to have to just travel more and go where they are! Peace

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  10.   85kguy says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 09

    Last call for 85kguy!! QUOTE: "IF they are NOT your preference and you are out there actively seeking/dating who you desire" MY ADD: Why am I here? (Also not being combative) Perception is good tatted!! Was married to Ethiopain woman. Looking to upgrade on qualities. Met some women here from abroad. Other women pick up on the trends here. Women from abroad see more opportunity with men here now. They see more acceptance of black men, even a black president in America! At the same time (I guess) they see a repulsion on the part of large groups of black women to black males. The U.S. black males see it too. Half of them have never done anything wrong and just want a normal loving home life. Thus my analogy to the High School dance. These are simply my options. Not meant to push buttons. It is reality. Be treated like a monkey or get some dignity. Which would you choose if you were in my shoes and that of my friends?

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  11.   85kguy says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 09

    Hey Tatted, Wife options for me just happen to be not a white or african american woman..... that's the way it is. Since I am not a white man or black woman I should not garner attention in this forum. Do not be afraid of the opinions. Looks like a lot of couch potato button pushing to some. Even Azrayzel said he was saddened to see all the posturing and button pushing. He just said it in a diffent way.

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  12.   85kguy says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 09

    Hey tatted you're my witness!! I did try to improve as a person on the subjects by coming here. I did apologize for my "drive bys" and became a virtual Paul instead of a Saul (biblically speaking)on the website (running with the olive branch, remember). I vowed on this blog to be a better blog citizen. I dont want my responses to be longer than any queries. These (wives from abroad) are the solutions for men in Japan, Hong Kong, and other industrialized nations. Overseas options. Now for black men too. World Citizen flinched. Tried to hide an opportunity from me and my friends. Almost like she tried to deny me a door to normal life when I have to travel thousands of miles for dignity. She wanted me to be ignorant of overseas options. Like a monkey. Many doors were closed to our ancestors. Winds one up sometimes.

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  13.   tatted2death says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 09

    A just little wound up now aren't we, 85kguy???....lol. I have no doubt that you are who you say you are (accomplishments and all) but at the same time you are very focused on marriage which is not the ONLY option for every soul. You have set a time-table for yourself....again this is admirable but why all the tension pointed at white and African-American women. IF they are NOT your preference and you are out there actively seeking/dating who you desire, what's the big effing deal????. You are going on about "buttons" and whatnot.....but what are you really here for????? (not being combative......just curious) Peace and Blessings tatted2death

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  14.   85kguy says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 09

    Hey Godiva61, Sorry, Buttons can be pushed here. Lots don't care, but I do. Like I say. I'm not a man whore. I am pushing to be married again in a year. People are receptive to me here and I talked about it. I hear a lot of button pushing here and no dating. Just saying I prefer this and I prefer that. It looks like a lot of button pushing and hot inflammatory stuff. If you're dating talk about dating. If you're not then say it. Maybe someone will ask you out that is your secret preference. I am saying I hear a lot of preference but don't see any dating. Just subtle button pushing on the opposite gender and same race. I'm Afro Centric. I'm dating. Got plans and motion on marriage coming in a year. Not a man whore. Got some options. Looks lined up but need to take my time and make sure. Not a white woman, not a black american woman. World Citi feared me going overseas. Need marriage and want it in a year or less. Don't care about dates, dates, dates. My overseas preference is Afro-Centric. Don't care about Panama or Brazil. These are men with money saved, Ready for ceremonies, careers or businesses, education, etc. If there is no wifeytude here in USA then it is off to elsewhere. Luckily my job gives me that option, others have to take vacations. It is happening in Japan, Europe, Hong Kong.......all over. After a certain point you want a wife. Get a wife where they are at. When you went to the dance somebody asked, some you were pollite to and said no thank you. They went to dance with someone else in a matter of minutes. Thats just men. They gonna dance somewhere. Men are working hard to have a wife. World Citi holdin out on me and mine on Euro options for the guys that want wives. Dodging, flinching in text so obvious. She is keeping men from love by dodging info on Euro wives for my friends.

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  15.   godiva61 says:
    Posted: 31 Aug 09

    85kguy, Pardon my saying so but I don't think neither you or I can honestly say with certainty, the sole reason why women came to this interracial dating site. And if you don't mind my saying so, this notion that women are here pretending to be sucessful at "catching men" is in my opinion somewhat of an insult to men.. Men are not a fly ball to be caught by Johnny Damon in the outfield, or a fishing trip in the Florida Key's, seeking a mate is not a sport.... This is perhaps another avenue to possibly meet someone of your desire, both men and women, but if it does not work out that way it's not the end of the world, however, it would be nice for those who are actively looking to hit the jackpot so to speak.. Since we are all different, with different expectation's, different needs, and desires, and we all come with a certain degree of discipline and limitation's of behavior's that we are willing to tolerate, overlook, and having maybe more compassion for this and that, or not, this can result in being without, as you qouted " on the couch at home without a man". This is not the worse thing to could happen to a woman, or a man for that matter..... I know men who feel the exact same way, they would rather be alone than be with the wrong person. I really think when a person is truly happy, satisfied and secure in their ownself, it is not a hardship to be without a mate, nor will they feel compelled to have a quantity of date's and/or sexual partner(s), nor shoud it be a requirement or need to publicly speak of your dating lifestyle in detail, or brag about it.. godiva

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  16.   85kguy says:
    Posted: 31 Aug 09

    Hello Sabina, There is a problem indeed. Lucky your husband does not golf. That is the biggest excuse to get away for an affair from men. "I was at the golf course!" Take some time off from work at lunchtime. Set up a lunch date with your spouse. Is he asking or hinting at anything. How is your weight?

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  17.   85kguy says:
    Posted: 31 Aug 09

    Hi Again World Citizen, I have all the options, being from youth here and there where race does not matter (younger people date interracially here regardless of income potential or level with abundance in the USA) to adulthood (lived with a white women before and turned down quite a few of them). I am upgrading. I already told some Czechs and Swedes that I was not interested, don't fix me up and caught some woman's scorn. Lots of Ericsson workers here. Not interested. I catch scorn from white women, who cares. I'm not a man whore. Don't let these women make you think that they are successful in catching men. A lot of them are just pushing buttons of guys to get under their skin and sitting on the couch at home without a man. So far I dated a younger white resident/doctor here, a black mixed nurse (father Mexican, mother black)here , and a white government security female (we went bowling)here . The black mixed nurse even introduced me to her mom! We took a 1 week vacation together to Virgina Beach on the Chesapeake Bay! I am Afro-Centric and know some Amharic, dated quite a bit in the Ethio arena. Going for Ghanan for long term due to what I learned. Been to Jo'Burg, Kenyans overlook me, Nigerians are best match but not my style. I got it all and getting better and higher. I am sorry that these women don't get to talk/brag about their dating. I never need to push anyones buttons here. I'm very secure and gettin some!!! Maybe too much. My divorce is not even cold yet!!! Think I'm bluffing. Remember, though lots of black men would like to meet her (your mixed daughter who moved to Dallas) when you spoke about her I did not even flinch or ask to meet her. No bluffing black man would do that, now would he. Upgrading from younger than me ex-wife already, moving toward marriage within one year. Peace

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  18.   Austrian says:
    Posted: 31 Aug 09

    Dear 85kguy, Please do not give up all together on those stunningly beautiful U.S. Black Females. There are plenty of and I am convinced, you are an option for a few of them. If your work situation allows you to get around the world and you want to stick with Black Women, there are so many mind blowing African women, just waiting for an interesting man. They are known for traditional beauty and pride. On the other hand, you may want to look for beauty WITHIN. I think it is unfair that those women, who are not flashy, are often overlooked, as they may be the right choice for a decent, lasting companionship. Which ever your preference and fate, I hope you will find true happiness and satisfaction with a wonderful mate.

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  19.   Member says:
    Posted: 31 Aug 09

    Dear Zahara Your lucky I have to go back to work. I glanced at what you wrote. I use the word "nappy head" because it is funny to me. I don't understand why black women got "up in arms" when Imus said it. Damn it I have to go back to work. I will address your "nappy headed" ass later on. Good day to everyone.

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  20.   85kguy says:
    Posted: 31 Aug 09

    Women who don't understand Queens: Ever watch an old TV show called "All in the Family"? Caroll O'Connor played a white male in the 70s sitcom. His privileges were eroding and he lashed out at everyone about that. It mimiced society in the USA for traditional white males at the time that it aired on TV and was constantly one of the top 10 programs of its day. Archie Bunker was constantly called a "male chauvanist pig!" He was forced to adapt to a changing world where traditional white male privileges and reservations were eroding in New York. Queens is in a dating world where his traditional black male privileges -- admittedly unfair -- are also eroding. For black women who have preferences outside the traditional black male options take solace in the fact that the horse is in front of the cart for you and society is moving in the direction of your preference with regard to dating options. People like Mr. Queens are going to exist as long as that is the case. Even the most progressive black males are going to have some measure of Mr. Queens within them. Same thing happens when black men pursue and have pursued other options outside black women. They just deal with a disgruntled "Ms. Queens" lol. Some of you black women pursue with conviction, others adapt due to circumstance. Some of us black men pursue with conviction, others adapt due to circumstances (that's me adapting due to circumstances). My career allows me to work for the same company and relocate anywhere in the world while working for them. It is progress for a black man to have those privileges and options. Luckily, no one is disgruntled or prejudiced so far. As I venture down that road I know in my personal life that only less attractive black women will be there for me. So, I must adapt. No black beauty will be there for me to enjoy oppiste of what was traditional in the past for men who were black and made it. I must brace and toughen up to that reality. Sometimes it is hard. A life without traditional beauty by your side. One of the great motivators for black men of any time era. Now a dead tradition for black men. If I do not act like Mr. Queens can you advise me on what I should do? Maybe Mr. Queens will be listening too. Can you give guidance, can you find it in your heart to include via constructive guidance?

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  21.   Austrian says:
    Posted: 31 Aug 09

    Dear Zahara77, This hateful, disrespectful name calling of BLACK WOMEN has been going on thru several blogs like a bloody red thread. Meanwhile, some of us believe, the name caller may not be a BLACK MAN, as it is unbelievable for someone to mess into his own nest. No Black man can hate his mother to such degree. Of course, these comments fall into the stereotype behavior, racists are just waiting for. Dearest Godiva, I loved reading about your 'teenage' mom. My mother just turned 94 and runs around all summer with white shorts, showing off her flawless, tanned, firm legs (the most beautiful in the family), still turning men's heads around. Her toenails are painted red. Her face has wrinkles, but is nicely tanned - great contrast to her silvery curly hair - and her eyes are lively as those of a curious teenager. With all of this youthful appearance she behaves with the dignity of a wise Lady. I am also thankful and enjoy her - even if it becomes strenuous at times.

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  22.   Zahara77 says:
    Posted: 31 Aug 09

    I don’t like to participate on these discussions precisely due to ignorant people like Mr Laurelton Queens. I don't understand how calling black women "nappy headed" is supposed to entice any dialogue or discussion on this thread. I'm all for free speech and speaking your mind, but insulting a group of women is unnecessary and tasteless. Would this thread make any difference if it stated "Why some Black Women only date Asian Men or Latino Men?", or is there a serious issue when we are talking about Black Women who exclusively date White Men? Say what you need to say without insulting or degrading Black Women, we are after all your mothers, sisters, and daughters aren’t we?

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  23.   sabina says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 09

    I'm black independent woman and have been married for over 15 yrs now to a black man. My husband is very active in church, when he is not there he spends a lot of time at work. He is not seeing the need for companionship, l'm really tired of being lonely. Any advise?

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  24.   sabina says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 09

    Let the hearts speak. There are good and bad in everyone.

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  25.   BeautyBeyondWords says:
    Posted: 28 Aug 09

    Thanks Tatted... It was a miscommunication... Well, my pastor is preaching at a tent revival on the westside of Chicago, tonight. It's wet and cold, but I will be there! ~ With a winter jacket on...lol... Much love to all of you and... Don't forget to tell someone you love them this weekend!

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  26.   BeautyBeyondWords says:
    Posted: 28 Aug 09

    I was just expounding -ICH! It wasn't directly towards you. I am just having some conversation, Boo! Black women are insecure, because black men are a trip. They ain't all that faithful, not even to white women. White women can deal with ALL that, if they want to. They do tend to take a little more and I am cool with it. I thank God, keeping a man has never been an issue of mine. My problem is getting rid of them....lol... I know how to work what God has blessed me with.... lol... That is not talking just sexually....A man just wants to know he is needed and because I can't check my oil in my truck... fix a toilet.... or fix anything in that matter...put anything together... I am going to need a brotha's hand and help! lol... All I can do is sit there and pass you the tools and look cute and whisper sweet nothings in your ear...lol...

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  27.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 28 Aug 09

    I know you do. Don't think for a minute that I don't appreciate that, Tats. See ya!

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  28.   tatted2death says:
    Posted: 28 Aug 09

    I think she might have been referring to your post on the 20th..but you even said there was "no excuse" as well.....so, yeeah there might have been a little miscommunication going on there (or maybe she just felt the need to expound on it....understandable) Personally, I LOVED that/your post that day.....so much balance in there it was sick....much love to ya. (See, I look out for you as well, Ich......LOL) Peace

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  29.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 28 Aug 09

    I don't see what that comment yesterday had to do with me, BBW. Did I miss something?

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  30.   Member says:
    Posted: 28 Aug 09

    Yea I am back from my 1 hour and half workout at the YMCA. Beauty I agree black men have to step up. Obviously there is crisis going on that black women can't keep a man around. There has to be a bigger reason why a high percentage of black women are single. From my experience dating black women since a teenager. I just find so many of them "needy". I don't know why so many black women are insecure. I am going to write a self help blog for them. I am not insulting them. I am trying to help some black women turn their life around. So they can have a healthy and happy relationship. Hopefully they will not call them food groups anymore like Mocha and caramel. Thank you

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  31.   BeautyBeyondWords says:
    Posted: 27 Aug 09

    Thanks Big Eyes... How are you doing, sista? I haven't heard from you in awhile -Glad that you are still dropping in on us. I am about to go get my 60 minute workout ON! I wanted to run at the park, but it is freezing here in Chicago and WET! We haven't had a real summer, here. Or last year.... It really upsets me, because the winters are brutal. I've already got my winter tires in place and I am winterizing my truck little by little... I want to move, but I don't want to move. Ya feel me? I am trying to lose this stomach I got 11 yrs ago from my son...lol... I told him that it was his fault, but after 11 yrs now... I am not sure that rides anymore...lol... But, I didn't have one before that- so it was his fault. lol... Actually, I have lost it off/on during that time. I am just off, now! lol... I already know that the holidays are right around the corner, so I have to at least drop another 10 pounds or so- just to break even. lol... I am a thick girl and my friend tells me.... "you are not fat, but you are a burger or two away!" That is so funny! So, I keep the "thickness" that I do have together. lol... or at least try! Men- I love to eat, now. A sista will GET DOWN! I am still booking dinner dates! Ha!Ha!

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  32.   BeautyBeyondWords says:
    Posted: 27 Aug 09

    Let me slow down my buggie.... That might have been too much your you all..... But, it is real. We all need some help. We can't do it by ourselves. We all need each other to make it. ya know? Some people haven't been taught the right things in life... We all come from different paths in life. So, I try to help those who need help and encourage those who already know.We just have to be open, when someone tries to show us the right path and stop acting like we know everything, because we don't. So... Bro. Laurelton (lol) We don't have to insult anyone to make a point.... We can build up and not tear down.... That is like my motto towards my black people..... And towards every people. I love people... It does not matter what color, what background.... whatever!That is just me!

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  33.   BeautyBeyondWords says:
    Posted: 27 Aug 09

    Hold it up, Laurelton..... You don't have to call my sistas ALL out their names and carrying on..... Everybody have a part to play... There is no pointing the finger at anyone. Black men are responsible for the part they play, as well. Just because I allow you to "mistreat" me - why would you? What kind of person, are you? AND as a man, why wouild you lay up with a woman who have no standards set? SINCE - you all that? I am not talking directly to you, but in general..... It ain't just HER! She couldn't make the baby by herself..... Yes, we as black women need to step the game up and some have.... Where's the black men? It reminds me in the bible how Adam wanted to blame Eve for the fall in the garden... but if you read it properly , he couldn't. The Lord gave the commandment to Adam-not Eve. I am sure that Adam told her what was said, but the responsibility fell on Adam. Why? Because God told him directly. It was his choice to listen to Eve. God said, "Adam where art thou?" He didn't ask for Eve..... Just know MEN- You will have to give an account of how you've done your family before God. God won't even hear your prayer, if you are mistreating your wife... Did you know that MEN? lol....

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  34.   Member says:
    Posted: 27 Aug 09

    Dear Beauty You hit right on the nail. These nappy headed black women hold the power but they blame black men for being "loose" and having multiple children by different men. Like a white boy said 'Black women need to clean their act up" than maybe we will date them. It was harsh but true.

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  35.   Azrazyel says:
    Posted: 27 Aug 09

    Again, to those who are interested. Evening full of grandeur, skies tinged with red Mountains crowned with crimson, treetops with scarlet blaze As the dusk is falling, night settles in Stars slowly come out, moon glides skywards ...Still cheerless is in my soul, my heart filled with cares... Longing for the misty shores, weather-beaten strands so poor Where the weeping sky archs over water calm Pining for primeval woods, murky shade of leafy roof Where the silent trees arch over our path Do you walk in mourning, still wear the grief Raiment of sorrow, remembrance of me Through the years of bleakness, winters of bitter cold Will you not forget me, forsake my soul ...Low-spirited is my song, downhearted my tune... Beyond enchanted sea, wistful is my sleep Darkness by my side, through the dreary night Will you follow me, through eternity To another world, to the quiet halls I've lost my way in the dark, strayed apart from my love I've faced the demons of might, passed away into shades Long are lonely years, slowly pass these days In undying land, in the divine light Where I wait...in the dark The black of the night turns to dusk of the dawn Through the mist now shines the fairest light of all The caress I've waited for eternity Into the shades, together we fade

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  36.   Jim says:
    Posted: 27 Aug 09

    Renee you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met and that radiant smile of yours is so dreamy. You speak very positive about yourself. I love a woman that is very confident about herself. Your words are very rewarding.

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  37.   Renee says:
    Posted: 27 Aug 09

    To Mr.J; your words were very strong and positive today. I worked on 4 subjects today and my online class... finally I'm finished. My professor in my class gave us the homework assignment on "conflict" and I smiled, because that is one word that I am so familiar with in life. Conflict is a fact of life, but doesn't have to be a way of life. Thank god you don't fight with, because it really just freaks me out. I do realize something thou... and that is my babies and my guy love me. I'm having a glass of red wine and enjoying what is left of the evening. By the way we have a big competition this Saturday and I'm so looking forward to it.

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  38.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 27 Aug 09

    BeautyBeyondWords I can tell you had a wonderful day!LOL. I'm happy for you. I totally agree with you on us as in black women, women period taking charge and responsibility for some of these choices we make and have made. We can take charge of the direction our relationships take. Stop blaming black men, men in general for the mistakes you make. Women act like birthcontrol doesn't exist,like it hasn't been invented yet. You can't demand respect and then be afraid to walk away when a man doesn't show it. Like I hear in the church...the devil hasn't done EVERYTHING, some of these problems we have created. Peace

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  39.   BeautyBeyondWords says:
    Posted: 27 Aug 09

    Hey Jarita Hotsauce (Tatted) - No, I didn't forget... How's it going? It is always good to hear from you and see that you are still hanging in there. I just got home from getting my nails done and now I need to take my braids down - so I can keep my appointment next week! lol... Can I hire someone to help me take these micro braids out of my hair? lol... Any windy city folks in here (IL)? I had school today, so my day has been pretty peaceful... My son went to Six Flags with his friends and my house is spotless... my homework is done.... my stomach is full... and that is my day.... The only that I didn't do is go workout! AND that should have been the main thing... lol... I will do my usual exercises before bed and try not to eat like a rich woman tomorrow...lol... I know you did not care to hear all of that... BUT.... You really don't know how happy I am with my life and just having a day of rest. You have no clue... I am never at home resting! lol.... Well everyone.... I love all of you and I pray that you all have a blessed day tomorrow and know that YOU CAN MAKE IT!

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  40.   BeautyBeyondWords says:
    Posted: 27 Aug 09

    What's up Laurelton..... Thanks for sharing that with me. I will take everything you said into consideration and much thought.... That is odd , how that happened to you to. My son and I read this book about the conspiracy of the black boy and how black boys are attacked starting in 4th grade discretely. It tells how society began to illustrate to black boys their place and meaning in society..... Ich.... There is still no excuse for the way black men treat us - sistas..... I personally don't care who they decide is best for them, but love your people and know who you are. Take care of the the black children you had before your "white gal" revelation. But, It does stem more deeper than what we see today. I just think that we need to see it is a problem and make a change. AND - I think we (as black women) need to stop allowing these men to use us and then leave us. I do get mad rage from black women with this comment.... BUT A black man can not use you, unless you allow it. TO SOME DEGREE - when do you you take responsibility for your own body and mind?If you have 2 babies by one man - 1 baby by a married man and the other 2 are unsure - what kind of treatment, do you really expect? Most women fail to see that they control the whole situation from day one! Then you get mad, if that man leave you for a white women or any other kind of woman... All you required was sex.... He didn't have to take you out... He didn't have to say "I do" - nothing! There should be a standard within you to say--- you will not abuse my body... you will not dump and get off the pot on me! I am sorry- you can choose not to sleep with someone's husband. You can choose a condom.... If you are sleeping around with someone who is not working..... Don't expect him to, when you get pregnant. I think black women are just being ignorant, when it comes to preserving themselves! I don't care what some black men say or anybody else for that fact... (yes, I am biased) BLACK WOMEN ARE THE BEST WOMEN IN THE WORLD!!!!! LOL... (yeah, I said it...) Let's know that and be that at all times....

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  41.   azrazyel says:
    Posted: 24 Aug 09

    More poetry for those who like: 'To a Breathless Cause' My sins now weep to a ghostly breath, This pain and sorrow inflicts my death. This world turned to misery and hate, All my fears I cannot escape. Afraid to find the answers I seek, Tired, worn, numb and weak. Tears that form mirror the pain inside, Suffocating into silent cries. Anger forms then turns to sin, Searing thoughts unleashed within. Darkness falls and then descends, Upon my soul, without end. Screams of fears I cannot break, Trapped inside, I see my fate. Shadows of darkness that whispers lies, Gleam of solitude unfound, despised. An epic end and without time, From clemency, I've been denied. Robusting shadows in my dreams, Forms then fades between the screams. A life once felt now without means, Beaten down, I scar and bleed. A solid state crumbles away, Darkness drives the light in vain. A cloud of dust from my remains, A final gasp then breath escapes. The deepest darkest realm on Earth, Inflicts the pain of unending hurt. A selfish mind that I put first, Letting free the lessons learned. Shameful greed I've shunned my way, Withdrawn, I whisk in flames. From these hands I've seen disgrace, I look to blame but view displace. Sending forth with words of hate, Deception written across my face. I fall into the eyes of defeat, The enemy yells and boastfully speaks. Crushed down I feel so weak, Ending sorrow but find deceit. Anger feeds this fire within, Brushing flames to burn my sin. Tearing the lies all light is dim, Evil despised the path to him. With no avail I feel at loss, This nightmare holds 'To a Breathless Cause'.

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  42.   tatted2death says:
    Posted: 24 Aug 09

    Wo-wo wee-wa!!! This month has been a rough one up in here.....LMAO. I (like Ich) saw that whole Azra-cane coming from a while back.....glad that you all weathered the storm in here (Azra included......much peace to you). And glad to see L. Queens back on the meds..Let's hope he doesn't run out any time soon....((j/k....lol)....It was truly refreshing to witness him change his tune a bit.....proof that hate can only rule so long before it crumbles to love's awesome power. All I can say is I hope there will continue to be more understanding flowing through here.....AND NO, it is NOT too late to heal old wounds......it never is as long as you keep positivity close to your heart.....AND can we please let go of the past (NOT forgeting it.....just releasing it so it can release us). It serves us not....not if all we use it for is a crutch and an excuse for further B.S. Peace and Blessings tatted2death P.S. HAYYYYY YAAAA, Beauty (Beyond)......It has been the longest time sis.....so glad you are gracing us with your presence lately...Loves ya.

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  43.   Renee says:
    Posted: 21 Aug 09

    Remember this and I speak on all race. I might be a black woman, but growing up in my household was every color. My mother was Black,Jewish, and French. My dad black and Indian. My skin is a mocha color, with thin lips,high cheek bones, and big eyes. As a child, kids would tease me and say,"that's not your mom! She's white." Dating a white man is no different then the color of my mom. You never know who is out there for you if you limit yourself. Don't judge by the color of the skin, but who they are inside. People are just people and I love all people.

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  44.   Renee says:
    Posted: 20 Aug 09

    I have a son that is 24 years of age and has a baby with his girlfriend whom is Mexican. Both my adult children are doing well, with excellent paying jobs and they decide on whom they want as a mate. As long as they are happy, I'm happy for them as a parent. I rather be able to communicate with my kids, rather than not hear from them at all. Our words mean so much to our kids, and if the parent doesn't speak positive, it gives them a better out look on life. Live life as if it were your last day. Enjoy your kids and always praise them, even if they make mistakes. From a true mom.

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  45.   godiva61 says:
    Posted: 20 Aug 09

    Plants Grown Up/Trees, Every son may not be a father, but every father starts off as a son As is the character of our sons, so is and so will be the character, strength, stability and security of our home(s) and nation The strength of a nation, of a people is seen in and measured by the strength of it's men Father and fatherhood are statements of relationships Being a father is the HEIGHT of manhood God sees Godly men, Christ like men, as trees, fruitful trees, rooted trees and shade giving trees Pray for our fathers when and while they are young sons, because one day they will father our future. This is my prayer to each and everyone of you that has a son and for those who are blessed enough in the future to become a Father to a son. If you don't have a son at this moment, you still can be a father like figure to a son, even if it's in a small way, but only if it's in your heart to do so.. One day we will all be held accountable for what we did as well as what we didn't do. godiva

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  46.   Member says:
    Posted: 20 Aug 09

    Beauty I thought that was deep. Since I am dark myself. I grew up in the 80s and my grades were good. My mom had to fight with my school to keep me on the honor roll. I don't know if it was racism. I think it was more of "indifference" to black boys in schools. I find that teachers are scared of black boys once they become teenager. The average teenager now is like 5 ft 10 200 pounds. These are big kids. I always did really good in elementary school and junior highschool. Then I hit high school and they put me in an all black high school. All hell broke loose! Basically it was like jail you had to survive. My grades suffered because I had to be involved in the fights going on with my friends. Mind you I lived in a middle class black neighborhood. So you would think they could do better than this. The moral of the story a mother can only protect their son so much. A white boy getting in trouble with the law is different than a black boy. Society let's that white boy "slide". A black boy will be written off in a heartbeat. They go out of their way to give you a "felony" than your life is ruined. I have been written off so many times it is not even funny. If it wasn't for my father, I think I would have been a career criminal by now. Lastly, Beauty watch who your son hangs out with. Sometimes it other boys that "bring him down". I know many guys that was just "there" when a crime happened and they got caught up. Driving a negro somewhere just to "look out". Police pull yall over and your homeboy has drugs, guns and all types of shit. That is why I never drove homeys around. My homeboy almost got me in trouble when I was a teenager driving with a suspended license. Luckily the cops are lazy in "Jamaica Queens" NYC. They told get out the car and walk home. My homeboy was a big time drug dealer, so the cops let him go. You figure out why they let him go lol (Yea they extorted him). Tell your son if they stop his car and he got his friends in it and they got "shit on them". All your asses is going down. That goes for drugs too. Of course when he gets older. Good day

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  47.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 20 Aug 09

    It's nice to see a black woman finally say what so many black men, including myself, have been screaming on this site for a long time. How the past has affected our present. It's like some black women here like to agree more on their dislike or disapproval of black men than about how history plays a role in it's design. The black man has been conditioned to be distant from the family just as black women were conditioned to raise children alone, sometimes children with different fathers. But there is no excuse for that now. Black men are not being sold, a lot of them are just selling themselves out. Black women are not having their husbands taken away, a lot of them are running them away, are mother's and not wives (not widows, they're wives honorably discharged), or don't know who their children's fathers are. We're not being beaten or killed for having an education anymore. Many blacks don't even lift up their voices and sing anymore. They just open up their yaps and make noise, then they call it being outspoken. It's sad when we almost start to wish bad things to happen to them. It's like that character Uncle Ruckus on The Boondocks. My brother and I were talking about him and how he is a black man saying many of the things some black people think and feel subconsciously, which is why so many viewers think he's so racially offensive. To me, it's like that Michael Richards incident. Kudos for taking care of that heckler, but... DAMN that was pretty scary to hear. I still like Kramer from Seinfeld though.

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  48.   BeautyBeyondWords says:
    Posted: 20 Aug 09

    I make him hold doors... I try to teach him what I can to be a black man in america. I tell him the pitfalls and how he would have to go through things, because of who and what God made him to be. Sometime being better is not good enough- its all about being white. It is the harsh reality! We just trust God and know that if HE brought me this far....He will take me all the way! What God has for you- IT is for you! No one can take it from you!

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  49.   BeautyBeyondWords says:
    Posted: 20 Aug 09

    I don't fault black men ALL the way, because white men haven't been through what we've been through..... EVEN today! We were taught to be angry and out-spoken. We had to be and somtime still have to be. It is a survival trait, I think we have. We were abused... sprayed... raped... hung... and I think anger just spreaded from generation to generation. Black women learned how to survive without black men and learned how to survive working and living with white men (corporate america). Black men learned how to to live without black women and were being seduced by white women (the forbidden fruit). It's always been an attraction, but it was the "underground world" It was on the hush-hush! Now, years later we are seeing the affects of the trauma!or the drama of American History for black folks! Unfortunately, now we are enslaving ourselves. With drugs, gangs, being uneducated, jail, not teaching our children our history, children having children, public aid, - you name it! America have taught us that being black is the worst thing to be in america for some people -BUT NOT FOR ME! I wouldn't trade my beautiful color for nothing! The blacker you are - the worst people treat you. My son is blue black. It hurts me how "black" people and other races tries to treat him. He did it. I swear - the boy looks like shaq. He is a big ole' boy and he is an honor student. He is the most gentle child you can meet. He don't fight. He LOVES to play. He is a big friendly! I have to fight his teachers to give him the same respect for his good grades, like they do the other children. He is constantly called black this and that.... It hurts me, because it hurts him! I just give him the biggest pump talk ever and tell him to keep doing him!

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  50.   BeautyBeyondWords says:
    Posted: 20 Aug 09

    Let's take a look back in history.... Slaveowners taught black people to hate each other. They would rape the black women and then put their own children in the "house to work- which were the lighter skinned women. The darker skinned women work the field. Then they would take the black family and disrupt it by humiliating (spelled right?) lol... the black man in front of his family and selling him to other slaveowners. They took him away from his family! Once they took the black man- they took the strength of the black family. That man would then be sold and have to start a new family someone where else.... I think that taught black men how to seperate himself mentally, emotionally and physically away from his family. It was learned.... That is why black men are sometime distant from their families. No one taught them HOW to be.... So, they do what they think is right. Only God can teach you how to be a father to your children. Only God can show you how to be what you need to be for your family! It is never too late to change.

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