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Why Being Jealous of a Friend's Time is Natural

Posted by Ando, 20 Jul

Is it normal to be jealous of a friend's time? Well, whenever one gets a little jealous of their best friend, most people usually think that they are the worst people in the whole worldwide. The thing is, as one's close friend, people expect you to be happy about the good things that happen in their lives... for instance, when a friend gets a new boyfriend or girlfriend, you should be as ecstatic as they are. But what happens when suddenly this friend of yours has less or no time for you? Is it wrong to be scared of losing her or scared of losing him?

Scroll on as I give you my point of view on what I think about all this.

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Why its normal to be the jealous friend

If you are worried about being the jealous friend or you feel your friend is jealous of your success or your dating life, then one thing I need to tell you that it is normal. People expect it to happen all the time. It's also normal to feel guilty about it because our culture expects us to jump for joy when something great happens to our friends. Being jealous gets you the 'green-eyed monster' label which makes one look bad to the society.

It gets worse when we associate the guilt of feeling jealous with the fear of losing that friend when they discover you are jealous of them. It is normal to have our insecurities and talk to about them with our friends. But when we think about how our friends would react, it scares us because we believe that they will feel like we don't deserve their friendship.

It normal to be a little envious of a friend. However, the degree to which one is jealous of a friend's time with their boyfriend is where we draw the line between a good friend and a bad one. Well, let us look at some of the reasons why it is ok to be a little green-eyed for a friend...

Jealousy makes you focus on what you really want in life

No one's life is perfect. So when we feel a little jealous of a friend, chances are that we are realizing that our lives aren't perfect. Most of the time its because we feel a little bad that a friend has beaten us to the punch... that a friend is living the dream and we probably aren't.

Jealousy can actually make us focus on achieving our dreams. We tend to see what our lives are missing through the lens of jealousy. So when your friend is a little jealous of new boyfriend, don't take it out on them. Chances are they are feeling that way because they wish they also had a boyfriend too. Sometimes the jealousy comes from a point of admiration.

As human beings, we don't live in a vacuum. So it is pretty normal to compare ourselves with people who are close to us. Much as we may want to be happy for friend we still find ourselves a little jealous. Comparing ourselves to others is healthy because it also helps us develop in life. Now when for instance a jealous of new girlfriend, chances are, they are feeling a little inadequate in comparison.

If for instance, you are just envious because you wish you had more in your life like your friend does - not wanting to take what your friend has, or wanting you to have and he or she doesn't - then this can be the kick and drive you need to take steps to achieve these things.

Admiring a friend's achievements can be a great inspiration to be us put in a little more work into achieving what we feel is missing in our lives.

Social media heightens jealousy too

Now if you find yourself jealous of a friend's time because they are not spending it with you based on all the all-expenses-paid trips they keep posting or you are jealous of new girlfriend because, again, they no time for you, then the issue could be your phone, not just you. The thing is, Facebook, Instagram, and other social media platforms have made people be very competitive. Its more about showing others how great our lives are and how much better we are doing than connecting and socializing. So if your friend is jealous of you, its probably because of the great life you keep shoving in their faces with your plush life social media posts which can make them envious or even heighten symptoms of depression in vulnerable people.

Now one thing we need to realize is that social media isn't a healthy barometer for comparing ourselves with others because people tend to exaggerate as well as paint a rosy picture of their lives. So if you are jealous of new boyfriend that your friend keeps posting their lovey-dovey life in your life, you might actually find that at least more than 30% is an exaggeration.

When you keep exposing yourself to your friend's social media pages, even if you really know their lives in person, can lead to obsessive jealousy. If it's about a boy or girl, you might feel the jealousy of loss of the time he or she is spending with this new found love instead of you. Well, it sometimes normal to have the fear of losing a friend.

Most friends like bragging a little

Now, this is another good reason why being jealous is normal. If for instance, you find yourself at a point in life where things aren't just going well. But then, this friend of yours has this new dude, new apartment is going on and on about how much the guy is showering her with gifts and trips to exotic places. Won't you be jealous of a friend's time especially if they no longer have time for you? Now, much as being a good friend means being happy for your friend, I think sometimes there is a limit to how happy you can be for them.

The thing is if you have a friend who is constantly and insensitively flaunting their riches and success in your face, it's normal to feel a bit jealous. Some of our friends just don't know how to read signs that we are down or going through a rough patch. This can really heighten the feelings of jealousy. It might not be because you are not happy about their success. It could be because you are just feeling bad about your failures and they just can't keep quiet about how great their lives are.

Now if this is making you feel really bad, do yourself a favor and bring it up with them. If this person is a real friend, then they will be more sensitive about your feelings and tone the bragging down. But also remember to try and be a bit supportive and a little happy for your friend's success too.

Now if you still find yourself feeling jealousy of loss of your friend over a new boyfriend even after a lot of soul searching, then maybe you resent her boyfriend or your friend. If they keep showing off or there is an unhealthy imbalance of the time they allocate for your friendship, then you really need to ask yourself if they are really your best friend. A healthy friendship should be mutually satisfying.

When you are at a low, feelings of jealousy toward a friend who is successful doesn't make you a bad friend or person. They make you human.