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Apology from black man who used to hate on black women

Posted by Sidney, 11 Sep

We have seen the bashing in the media. Black women have been called all sorts of things... however they carry themselves out. When they are strong, independent and don't take sh*t, its called loud, emasculating and argumentative. When they date interracially, they are white men's whores. When they don't date interracially, they are delusional for waiting on good black men who are all taken. And they are 'unattractive unmarriageable'...

Well, like many other, this black man had an obsession for non-black women for years; and this obsession led to him bashing black women on social media all because of "self-hate" as he calls it.

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The thing is: He grew up in a diverse city with a diverse group of friends. However, his closest friends were black men like him with one thing in common: an interest in white girls.

"liking white girls was always the 'cool' thing to do so everyone went along with it. As I entered middle school and then high school it was impossible to escape the appeal of having a white or non-black girlfriend. Among my black friends, you were seen as almighty and powerful if you could get a white girl and if you found out that one liked you or had any interest in you; you were seen as a god," he says.

And the mindset he and his friends had: "If she ain’t white, she’s at least gotta be light". So they sat and laughed and made fun of black girls about their skin color, hair... you name it. Despite being raised by a black mother, other black women who were not family represented everything he didn't want; while non-black women... all he wanted saying:

"I felt that most [black women] were too loud, too argumentative, had too much attitude, and were too much to handle.

In contrast, white women and women of other races represented everything that black women weren’t. They were beautiful, agreeable, adventurous, easy to handle, and most importantly possessed the genetic code that I wanted for my future children."

Sadly, this innocent interest turned into something ugly the older he got. He had painted a picture of his 'future' children... with features that were nothing like his own (thick nappy hair and dark skin). The difficulties he had being comfortable with his blackness led him to direct these feelings elsewhere; bashing black women while uplifting women with features he preferred. It went from making fun of girls to bashing black women in real life and on social media.

Now he realizes how much hated being black... how much he had issues with his hair and skin color... how uncomfortable he was in his own skin to the extent of not imagining his off-springs looking anything like him. He realized, his wanting mixed children with “good hair” was him rejecting his own black features.

So what changed?

A predominantly white college where the non-black women he so desired were inaccessible. "I was forced into a tight knit black community and forced to adapt and 'deal' with black women and all the negative attributes that I felt that they possessed", he says. And with "dealing" came the awakening of how untrue his negative generalizations about black women had been.

"The women that I spent a lot of time around were intelligent, beautiful, kind, inspiring, supportive, black women who finally helped bring me to the light. The thing that intrigued me most about them was despite being aware that they were undesired by many of their own men they still did everything they could to do uplift, support, and advocate for us.

In my experiences with dealing with women from other races I never saw any other group of women who were so for their men as black women are for black men," he says.

According to him, many black men have gone through the same thing and finally woke up. And much as after his awakening, his interest for non-black women somehow vanished, he has no issue with interracial dating or black people who prefer partners of other races. This is a dude simply telling his story. He concludes greatly saying:

"Black men who put down black women do it simply because they are not comfortable in themselves and in their blackness. Any black man who takes pride in being black would never disrespect a black woman because he knows that she is a part of him and knows that by disrespecting her he is disrespecting himself as well.

For all the women who read this please realize that the men who post things like I used to post, are lost and not comfortable in themselves so for that I apologize on behalf of them until they wake up and are able to apologize on their own."

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26 responses to "Apology from black man who used to hate on black women"

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  1.   urbanposh7 says:
    Posted: 31 Jan 16

    This male gets no kudos from me. He discovered how awesome black women are once he was denied the presence of white women and as a result was "subjected" to black women? I'll save my praise for folks who deserve it. Why don't some of you praise him too for learning how to read, which would further prove how low your expectations are for black men. Also, I wonder if this epiphany would have been equally well received if it was a black woman admitting the same thing. I'm guessing a resounding "NO".

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  2.   Blossomn says:
    Posted: 14 Nov 15

    Most of the time it's to do with deep unresolved childhood issues. Most black men I know don't know what love and affection is as they never received this themselves as children growing up, most having grown in dysfunctional families under undue circumstances and so do the black women as well. Most relationships I know amongst black people resemble mother father relationship as opposed to a couple. The black men whether they chose to date someone of different race wouldn't necessarily work because of the deeper underlying issues. Some end up hopping from one relationship to the other even with the white women. This has something to do with history.

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  3.   Amba1994 says:
    Posted: 29 Oct 15

    He does realize that if he has these mixed children to his beloved white candy. They won't always come out with light green eyes and blonde curls. Nope. I'm mixed race myself, typical mulatto or "high yella" apparently. My mother is pale white and father dark as coal. I came out with tight coiled hair, I came out with olive/tanned skin and dark eyes. Have I got any of those alpha mixed chick features? Nope. It's genetics. Mixed children come out in all sorts, we're like a pick and mix. You have no idea what you'll get. You're more likely to get those green eyes, paler tanned skin and loose curls when you've got a mixed race person and a white together having a kid. I'm just saying is all because he must realize that even though he lusted after a white (lighter woman even) his children will still have black in them. He can't escape it no matter how hard he tried to.

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    • pebbles_2u says:
      Posted: 15 Nov 15

      My daughter is Arabian and AA. She is just stunning...just like you. Take care

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  4.   TechManStan says:
    Posted: 21 Oct 15

    I remember seeing your original post of this man, and was disappointed in his views. Such vitriol for black women was very offensive and I'm glad to see his has matured. @ ladybarb, excellent statement and understanding in recognizing that he really did mature in choosing to reflect on his behavior. @FYOOZ-Audience. I will say this, not all/most black men that date white girls, have a self hate issue. I think FYOOZ had posted an article asking if liking other skin colours, is any different then men who like big breasts or butts. My answer would be yes. If a black guy chooses a light skin black girl, because of how he wants his kids to look, what's wrong with that? It's no different than women choosing good looking tall men, for how they want their offsprings to look. There are deep biological sexual selection mechanism in play, and they are going to vary for everyone, and it does not always have to have the stink of hate on it.

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  5.   CharlieT3 says:
    Posted: 21 Oct 15

    Im am attracted to ONLY white women Sexually/Physically and I have TOTAL respect for the Black Woman, and every one of them is my strong and beautiful sister or mother..I stand and fight the evil in he world with them...I will never see them as a physical/sexual turn-on...hair/skin don't matter,I dont like the Genetically -based body proportions/mass ratios...It would be like being attracted to my sister or mother...INCEST !!....gives me the Heebbs...NO!!! I like very Skinny and very "Top Heavy", period...........................

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    • mizzpecan says:
      Posted: 05 Feb 16

      That is not a natural or healthy view. You may think you have respect for you & your families race, but clearly by your statement that is not so. You really need to address why that Is with a professional therapist.

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  6.   blackbelle01 says:
    Posted: 11 Oct 15

    I have always felt that any man that bashes his own race of women is not a man. Unfortunately some BM not all but some have a lot of self hatred and try to project that on BW. I date outside of my race and I have also been married outside of my race but I will never bash BM because I have a brother, Uncles and my Father was Part Black/American Indian. It would be stupid of me to bash the very race that gave me life. Do I like what all Blacks do ? No I do not but I do not like everything about what all Whites do either. No one race is perfect. Every race has their good and bad.

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  7.   SexC29 says:
    Posted: 11 Oct 15

    So many Black men who refuse to date outside their race do opt for light skin females due to how they want their offspring to look. It's so sad how men have self hate and act is if they don't by glorifying their darkness but secretly hate it. They always say they love their mom which is true but dislike how she looks. My brother used to be like that. He has 9 kids and 6 are by light skin females. He got tired of the crazy Latina and White girls crazy and emotional roller coaster attitudes and married him a brown Black woman who loves him the same way our mom used to. One day we all will wake up to see no more dark colored flesh because we all will be mixed at the rate the self hate is going.

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    • TechManStan says:
      Posted: 21 Oct 15

      Hey SexC29, out of curiosity, do you think self hate cuts the other way, if a white person wants to have a child with someone outside their race?

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      • Amba1994 says:
        Posted: 29 Oct 15

        Nope. But white people do fetishize though, especially creeps who are obsessed with Asian women. Stereotypes you see, the typical "submissive" Asian woman. It's just European standards of beauty as messed up the black race. Slavery, body image, colourism, jealousy, hate cults.

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        • TechManStan says:
          Posted: 31 Oct 15

          "But white people do festishize" Who doesn't fetishize? That's not an exclusively white thing. The old trope of the european male only wanting timid asian women is an old caricature. I know tons of white guys that have dated asian women, and it was because they were hot. Are there guys out there who are on the creepy side of that, sure. But it's not the standard.

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    • urbanposh7 says:
      Posted: 01 Feb 16

      It sounds like his brown skinned black wife may be suffering from self-hate too since she married a man with nine children from multiple women.

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  8.   brooke1970 says:
    Posted: 05 Oct 15

    He only needs to apologize to his mother.

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  9.   dlbdad says:
    Posted: 01 Oct 15

    Don't apologize for me!

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  10.   ladybarb says:
    Posted: 29 Sep 15

    I think that for someone so young, you are a mature man, for only truly mature people reflect on their past behavior and try to erect change. We all change and grow and those that are truly intelligent, wise, and have a sense of wanting to improve take action. I love your story and you are correct in saying that some Black men do not treat the Black woman with respect and love. One of the reasons for the separation of Black women and Black men in society is because of that. I believe that this is probably the sole reason that some Black women are drawn to White men; because of the way they are treated. Make no mistake… white men can be disrespectful as well but, in general, they treat a woman as if she is very special. The conversation,the level of open-mindednessm, the treatment, the level of affection, and the level of respect is very different from in general of how Black women are treated by a lot of Black men. I also think that Black women sometimes perpetuate mistreatment in how we carry ourselves, in how we handle conflict, and in how we treat our men. The loudness, the representing ourselves in the manner in which we see women representing themselves (like, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, and others) perpetuate Black women as loose and trashy, rather than ladylike and demanding of respect. This too, can cause confusion by men. I often hear Black and white men say that a lot of Black women want a man to give them money and material things,and want to use a man for what he has. On both sides, there is a lot of confusion. Both parties I think, are to blame, however, society in general has gone downhill so, this probably won't change.

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    • SexC29 says:
      Posted: 11 Oct 15

      White women are gold diggers probably more so than Black women. Just look at professional sports wives and girlfriends.

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      • TechManStan says:
        Posted: 21 Oct 15

        Generally, I agree with you. And i don't even have to look at one percenter sport athlete.

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  11.   iamkingjames says:
    Posted: 27 Sep 15

    Meh who cares

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    • SexC29 says:
      Posted: 11 Oct 15

      Wow he struck a nerve with you so bad that you had to comment. You do...you care! You're one of the ones who act like how he "used to." Good read about yourself isn't it

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  12.   Ta8 says:
    Posted: 27 Sep 15

    Thank you. God bless..

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  13.   CoCo_Spice82 says:
    Posted: 19 Sep 15

    Do you hate your mother or grandmother? A black woman's attitude comes from having to defend herself most of technology time, taking care of the household by herself while the black man looks elsewhere for the things he wants and gethe up and walk away without looking. The struggles that put her in a position to adapt to being the strong one especially when she has little ones to take care of. When your own men hate you but prefer to be support to another woman because she doesn't require anything of him other than a good......., that's all well and good buy there are other things that need a to get done...like putting food on the table; saving for our kids college fund etc. Black men, when you grow up and stop thinking about your needs and wants instead of "our" needs and grown some backbone....come and look me up....until then...the other ladies can keep you.

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  14.   ptellyy says:
    Posted: 15 Sep 15

    another excuse...

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  15.   ElaineTruly says:
    Posted: 12 Sep 15

    Thank you.

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  16.   Wanting2nowU says:
    Posted: 12 Sep 15

    Thank you

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  17.   Androsgal says:
    Posted: 11 Sep 15

    Love it and all so true!

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